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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 04:30pm on 12/06/2017 under
It's been a bad couple of years. 2 years ago my hands crapped out, and we could no longer manage our 1.5 acre rural dream. It took nearly 18 months to sell the house and move. You may remember me mentioning before that I used to work with Jo Cox during my time at Oxfam. We were not close or anything - just professional colleagues. I know her death and the manner of it shocked everyone but looking back it shook me deeply. The Brexit vote followed and waking up that morning was I think one of the saddest days of my life.

From then until Friday morning, I feel like I have been living under this oppressive black cloud, choking the hope out of me. I couldn't understand why it appeared to that such a huge chunk of the population on this island were so keen on creeping fascism and bigotry. I kept trying to remind myself that negative news is not the reality. All those years of working in the ethical/charity sector, suddenly thinking that being someone who wanted a better world for everyone was in the minority. 

Leading up to the election I started wondering about emigrating somewhere. Sion and I even talked about it. I felt cowardly for thinking about 'running away' but since my hands became unreliable I think I've felt so vulnerable (I suppose that's understandable). I started to worry about how Sion and I were perceived when we were out and about. We've experienced homophobia occasionally but before the referendum I did not give a shit. As this year has worn on, I started to feel cowed about being out as a queer couple. 

I know this election has resulted in a big huge mess of crap to sort out, but for the first time in a year I feel like I can breathe. 52% of people voted progressively. 

I've obviously been experiencing some sort of depression. It's kind of miraculous that it's lifted suddenly. I have renewed admiration of those who can be brave when they are in a minority.

"Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all,"
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 06:51pm on 28/05/2017
Pretty plants
  I bought some lovely plants today from a little local pop up nursery. She does open weekends every so often and has a wonderful eye for colour combinations. Then I started making a chocolate roulade. Trying to stick to my muchly broken rule of being able to make treats but not buy easy treats. So I keep the ingredients in the house for cake and cookies or popcorn. If I want something easy I can have an apple and a sliced of cheese. Welcome to the inside of my food head.

The inside of the rest of my head is less happy. I feel like I've lost so much confidence over the last few years and since Jo Cox and Brexshit I feel so cowed. My sister got targeted by a neighbour on Facebook with trolling canvassing for the Tories. After she blocked him, he commandeered his wife's account and was really abusive. My sis was heartbroken - this guy had been considered a friend. I said my bit about his behaviour (not his politics). The really embarrassing bit was running into his wife the very next day at a creative workshop. Gawd that was a moment. She confided that she was upset and angry with him. We had an awkward hug and tried to get on with things. My view of her situation was suddenly a whole lot more sympathetic. 

It's misogyny all the way down. 

Isn't it?

Starting drinking seems so tempting at times. But for the aversion to getting drunk. 1935-1945 was ten short-long years. Have we started our decade yet? During my time at Oxfam I learned that it took approximately 10-15 years to create a paradigm shift for a cause (they had piles of research on this) I never stopped to think before about it working for xenophobic ideologies. Being on the side of the angels is no comfort when you wonder exactly how and when you will joint the ranks of those to be othered by the zeitgeist.
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 02:32pm on 26/05/2017 under
 Was supposed to entitle this too many things but think my typo should stand.

Best beloved has their surgery date confirmed for the middle of this month. I am a confused mix of making sure I am being supportive and feeling v stressed about the practicalities. I'm supposed to be on holiday but right now I feel I have to nail down all the logistics.

Coming up to London for this from Wales just complicates things. Apparently there might be some visitor accommodation about 3 miles from the hospital so trying to book that. I need to find out about buses and nearby food places. 

We need a fridge freezer (only have ice box at the mo) so that we can stock it up for when we get back.
I need to find some sort of carerer or housekeeping assistant (because hands/own health problems) 
Need to buy a day-bed for the main bedroom (for me)  so that Sion can stretch out in our bed and parents-in-law can have spare room. I could manage on the sofa I guess. I hope having the parents-in-law is the right thing for first few days. 

I'm taking part in our Open Studios in July and need to get some work done so I've got three full weeks before surgery to get some done and up to the framers. I'm hoping to get some canvases done after we get back but I'm aware I could be a bit wiped. I'm going to have ask other people to take over my publicity duties for Open Studios I think. Just too much on.

To say nothing of feels. 
Mood:: 'anxious' anxious
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 03:40pm on 28/04/2017 under ,
These Eyes Have Seen

Yesterday we laid my Grandfather, Owen Cottage, to rest in Birtin Cemetery, Outibridge following a service at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, Grenoside, Sheffield.  I loved him. He strived to be a good man all his life. I admired him for his many wonderful accomplishments and I was angry with him that he was so neglectful of my mother when she needed him most. He made the LDS church his family to the detriment of his own daughter. He endured the tragedy of nursing (and losing) his first wife, Mary, to cancer during my mum's teenage years. He was then widowed a further two times in precisiely the same way. First Ray - who spilt our family apart, and then Lottie who brought us all back together. He patted me on my head when I was tiny, tried to teach me as a teenager, argued with me as an young adult and in the last few years finally stopped lecturing me and clung to me whenever I was with him. I had a much closer relationship with him than I do my own father. I think a tiny part of me thought he would go on forever. The following is the eulogy I gave at the service:

Granddad's eulogy )
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 01:59pm on 23/04/2017 under
After having an enema under sedation last Weds, Parsley was then given an injection to help with constipation and we've been dosing him with lactolase twice a day. No sign of poo. At all. For 4 days. He's got progressive renal failure and pancreatitis so I know that things are dicey. He's lost half a kilo in a month as well. He's still got some appetite but he was too weak to get up into his favourite chair last night so I lifted him in. He managed to jump up to the windowsill this morning though. He's not in the distress he was on Wednesday but I can only imagine it's a matter of time. So I will take him to the vets first thing in the morning. Keep wanting to cuddle him but that will just bother him.
UPDATE: He's ok for now. Vet has injected him again and we're to watch for another couple of day. Thank you for your lovely kind messages.
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 01:06am on 23/04/2017 under
Are you named after someone?
I don't think so.

When was the last time you cried?
10 mins ago. I'm writing my Grandad's eulogy and I can manage about 10 mins before having to give up.

Do you like your handwriting?
Nope.

What is your favourite lunch meat?
Sandwich filling? Tuna mayo with lemon and dill.
Read more... )
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posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 08:59pm on 16/04/2017 under
ARGLE

Which roughly translated means after 149 days after the last period (some time back in November) we has period. Of course you wanted to know this. 

Stomach cramps *and* hot flashes? Oh do fuck off.

Have not got dressed today. Spent the day in my dressing gown playing Samorost 3. Finished it. Downloaded Machinerium.

Thank goodness that chocolate is in plentiful supply. 
1ngi: (Default)
 So I am reactivating this account - that I never properly used and I'm finding a bit hard to drive. While it is sad that LJ is being abandoned, I am suddenly hopeful that a bit of a blogging revival might happen. Which would be wonderful because I'm finding other bits of the internet festering pools of unbearableness at the moment. I understand that this is a common sentiment.

And today marks 9 years since [personal profile] sparrowsion and I were married. For the 3rd year running we went to Narberth and had delicious tapas lunch at Ultracomida with Kir Royales. Oddly we did not buy any of their cheese - which was a missed opportunity as we try and post-rationalise cheese into all our wedding anniversaries. Wool - we bought sheeps cheese, salt - well that was easy, and today was 'Copper' so I had planned to buy blue cheese but we didn't in the end. However we did have some Orsau Iraty in the fridge and managed to plough through 2/3rds of it, 

I'll give blogging here at bit of a go for a while. I take it future posts being friends locked would be wise?
1ngi: (looks a *bit* like me)
posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 06:27pm on 10/04/2017
Hi, afraid I can't stay here. I am the same name in the other place. Currently wrangling the electronic version of packing up the tea chests. If we're friends here or in real life please do the granting access thingy. I'll do likewise. Perhaps we'll post more too. XXX
1ngi: (looks a *bit* like me)
posted by [personal profile] 1ngi at 07:34pm on 02/07/2016 under , ,
Sheffield Cathedral

This last 3 weeks I have been on a trip to Sheffield. In part it was to take a break for myself and I could have taken it anywhere but I chose Sheffield so that I could do local history research for my new project ‘My Darling Janie’; the story of the love letters of my great great grandparents courting in Sheffield in the 1870s.

What it became was not only a chance to discover my family past but one to firm up friendships and reconnect with my living family in the shape of my maternal grandfather (who is still with us at 97) and my paternal cousin, who I had not seen for over 30 years.
I was made in Sheffield... )

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